Chords of the euphonious quietude were cushy and undisturbed.. The predominantly occupied chairs around the canteen tables were vacant at that hour. It was way past lunch time..They had ensconced themselves on the not- so-commodious beige coloured chairs on the opposite sides of the ease – edged table – facing each other.. The only source of light, switched on at that time, was the one above them.. His eyes were glued to the mobile screen.. Fingers busy scrolling through the sentences; paragraph after paragraph.. He was completely engrossed in reading through her elusive and unfeigned thoughts worded mesmerizingly..
She waited anxiously for his remark on her earnest attempt to pour her heart out.. It was the first time she had let him read her piece of writing.. She rested her head on the cold metal tabletop, picking at her cuticle skin..She didn’t know whether or not he will like it.. She had always felt he valued artistry.. He understood the depth of words with ease.. Moreover he himself was a man of depth; a person who valued emotions and always handled them with great maturity.. So, maybe he will actually understand what she wanted to portray there..
He finished reading, removed his glasses and looked up at her..She settled back straight in her chair.. He gazed at her in amazement..Seconds passed by..No utterance of words.. She tried to read his ‘oh- so- blue’ eyes, but couldn’t pass through his piercing gaze.. Her eyes almost asked, with perked up eyebrows, “Did you like it?”; expecting a verbal answer.. But instead his lips broke into an impish grin.. She interrupted the quietness, ” So….?” “So what?” , he said trying to play around a bit.. She squinted her eyes.. His smile broadened.. He finally uttered, “I really don’t know what to say.. I’m spellbound”.. She wasn’t satisfied.. She had expected more than that..She tried again, ” Is it okay? Not that bad, right?” Now she wasn’t letting him get away with a mere ‘I’m spellbound’.. “Okay???Did you just use the word okay?”, he said, seemingly surprised.. There she made him speak..Of course she knew the most effective ways to draw in more appreciation; a writer after all(**wink**).. She almost smiled; a wicked one..
“The one I read here is simply captivating..”, he continued, “I was lost in it.. There is life in each sentence.. I could almost see everything happening right in front of my eyes..As if I was standing right there, watching you complete your coffee on that bench..As if I could see the shimmering little ones winking at you, the turf below tickling your naked feet and you smiling to it and then lying down on the luxuriant bed.. You are so assiduous in pointing out every little detail, I nearly lived the entire description” “Thank you” she said, completely overwhelmed.. She couldn’t stop smiling..
“So your Christina has read this?”, he asked wearing his glasses back.. “Of course.. She was the first one to read it..She’s my personal critic after all”, she said with her cutest grin.. He smiled.. She was loving the ‘Meredith – Christina’ version of being addressed..She truly was the Christina to her Meredith..She took her phone back from him and texted her best friend a ‘Hellooooo’, with multiple ‘o’s.. How she couldn’t wait to tell her every single detail of their conversation that day; about all the ‘goodie -goodie’ remarks she got from him..
She looked up and he was staring right at her “What happened?”, she asked.. “Beholding the joy of beauty, mademoiselle”, he said in a poetic fashion.. She burst into laughter.. ” Then your ‘beauty lies somewhere else Monsieur, not in me..I’m no such beauty”, said she, still laughing.. “External beauty is fleeting dear, but the beauty you hold inside is forever..And let me tell you, you are one of the most beautiful souls I have met till date”, said he, in a collected tone.. She gazed back into his eyes.. She caught a glimpse of her image reflected in his slightly smudged lenses.. She smiled.. ” And you are cute too ” he added with a flirtatious smile.. She laughed again (**blush**).. He thoroughly enjoyed her laughter..
“So why is it that your blog contains only one post? Why don’t you write more?”, he asked after her laughter subsided.. Now that was something she had been asking herself since a few days.. What could she write about? What could she write so that her readers found it alluring enough? She did have an endless thought process; but she couldn’t put it to a halt to begin with at some point..” Well, I don’t know.. What should I write about?”, she questioned back.. “Write about anything that crosses your mind..About what you fear; about what you have not been willing to speak about.. About all the moments cherished and the lessons learnt..You just sit down and put word after another..I guess that is how it goes”, he said.. ” But what if noone reads it?”, she asked in a hesitant tone.. Now, he was completely nonplused.. At one point she was writing her heart out; she was using this as an outlet to her emotions.. At another, she was worried about whether her readers will find it good enough or not.. He couldn’t really understand her.. “Writers don’t write for an audience, they write for themselves and that is what gives it the true essence; which gives the readers an immense pleasure when they read it.. So stop bothering about that and write whatever you feel like.. Write your heart out..”, he tried convincing her.. She was somewhat convinced.. But then was that really her trouble with writing? Did she really care if someone read it or not? She realized she didn’t.. She didn’t care if she used big many syllable words or not..She didn’t care whether or not her words were well -phrased.. All she knew was, in every single word she penned down, a part of her was reflected.. People who read it would get to know a part of her; a part of who she was.. She was afraid of being judged; being judged for who she was.. When she let him read her piece, she didn’t really yearn for his remarks.. All she cared about was whether he will accept that piece of her ‘self’ or judge her for being that way.. He, somehow reading her troubled thoughts, asked, “Are you afraid of being judged?” She was startled..She had spaced out for a while..Could he really read minds?- she thought to herself.. She didn’t know how to answer that; she was too reticent to open up to him.. Her silence spoke for her.. She was.. He understood her dilemma.. “Its okay if you don’t want to share.. I’ll just remind you something..You were never writing for anyone’s acceptance..You write for yourself..To give way for an outlet to your unspoken thoughts..You write to settle the rage within you..Write as if its only between you and the paper..As if no second person is going to read this; and if at all people read, it doesn’t matter.. You are not doing this for them.. You are doing this for yourself- Coz you need to write..You know, that is the hardest part..Conquer the fear; the fear of judgement..Don’t ever let this fear creep in..It will block you from going further..” She was convinced this time.. She realized he was right..That she is just doing this for herself..This is what she has to do; to give herself strength, to trail behind the shadows of her mind- to understand herself better; and she cannot let anything block her from doing this.. She gave an affirmative nod, ” Fine..I will write.. ” He smiled satisfactorily..
It was snacks time.. The ‘desolated – for -a -while’ canteen was overrun by now.. They got up n walked towards the counter -top to check what was being served that day.. Carrot cake it was; her favourite..!! They both stood in the seemingly interminable queue to get their servings.. She was ecstatic at the mere sight of a slice of carrot cake in her hand.. He smiled; particularly enchanted by the little girl in her, that always hopped out in the presence of something or someone she sincerely craved for..She finished her slice, one slow bite at a time, taking complete pleasure of the deliciousness she held in her hand..As they walked out into the busy corridor, he thought to himself- how can someone be so childish and yet so matured?? How can someone have such deep understanding of life, and yet be so jubilant over the simplest things like a piece of carrot cake or a single call from her best friend?? He remembered how she would jump in delight with the happy talks, and yet turn into the best counsellor when anyone needed her comforting words.. So matured and composed, anyone would find solace in her words; yet so plain and bubbly as a little child.. He couldn’t get a hold of her. “What are you?”, he asked, bemused. “A girl” she replied, with a puzzled smile.. He smiled back. “No, I mean, who actually are you? The tender little girl who can be charmed with the simplest forms of affection, who can be content with the littlest of things in life.. Or the matured, composed girl who can deal with all facets of life; who is brave enough to face her emotional breakdowns and yet rise above it all? I sometimes feel as if its two different souls trapped in one body..” She smiled, amazed at the fact that he was actually trying to understand her.. But little did he know that it wasn’t just the two souls – it was a whole bunch of souls trapped in one body- the adventurer, the wanderer, the playful child, the adultier adult, the snobbish brat, the sensitive friend, the lovable girl, the freak – it were all parts of her – parts she showed, parts she hid , parts she had been, parts she had to be..!! “You try to figure out..your task of the day..”, she said with a wink.. He chuckled..
“So have you forgiven them after all??, he asked as they walked through the last corridor, “your friends, that special person – could you ever forgive them?” She was taken aback, “Forgiven??” Now had she?? She didn’t know.. She had never found the answer herself.. Had she forgiven them?? Then why were her scars fresh as ever?? Why wasn’t she healed yet?? But then again she didn’t want any revenge from them anymore.. She knew that all those incidents had shaped her into a stronger person..At the end, maybe it wasn’t a loss for her .. Or was it?? Maybe not.. So was this a finished business after all?? She just didn’t know..”I don’t know..Maybe..Or maybe not.. I just haven’t ever thought about it”, she replied after a pause.. He could sense she was holding back words..Maybe she had actually given a thought about it, but had never come to an enclosure.. He felt as if her verbalization was a meekly 20%, of the massive trail of thoughts she was holding behind..
The gentle breeze cooled their skin as they stepped out of the building and walked onto the lawn.. The swirl of colours that painted the sky, artistically described parts of the person she was..The shades of orange portrayed the impulsive and enthusiastic adventurer in her.. The array of light pink hinted on the tender, sweet and playful child hidden inside her..The reddish shades portrayed the sensitive and intense person she was.. The lushy carpet below and the frondescence around well described the solace people found in her words..They decided to take a stroll..
“Is there anyone who knows the complete you? Your Christina or maybe your parents?Anyone?Or like were you born with an user manual?”, he asked waggishly.. She giggled; “Nope”, she said, ” Noone knows the complete me..I guess noone knows the complete you either, or the complete anyone.. I mean we all have parts we never show to anyone.. parts only we know..Maybe coz we never want to show that part to anyone, or maybe we ourselves aren’t aware of that side to us yet..” He nodded in agreement.. “And about the user manual.. M still working on it..Once its complete, you will be given one for sure”, she said, with a twinkle in her eyes.. He chuckled..
The fiery red orb slowly started sinking beneath the horizon; the threads of light lingering in the expanse finally turned into a chalky mauve..The pale glow of the moon was beginning to show..
The way, she can turn a completely serious discussion to a completely lightened up conversation in a moment, fascinated him..The more he tried to figure her out, the more of a mystery she became to him.. ” You know you are more of a paradox.. The more I feel that I know you, the more you make me realize that there’s more to you.. “, he told her.. She just smiled.. She already knew that.. She was the biggest living mystery known to her, she yet had to solve..When she herself hadn’t figured herself out yet, how was anyone else going to understand her? Maybe she wasn’t made to be figured out, after all; maybe she was better off left unsolved..Well, again, who knows? She turned to leave, bidding him goodbye..
Sequin- silver entities illuminated the atramentous curtain of the sky..”Will you ever let me understand you??The complete you??”, he called out to her.. “You never know..!!”, she replied back with a smile, as she walked through the brilliant rays of moon casted on the ground, into the stygian darkness beyond that..!!
soultosite 